I'll Need You

I have been awake trying to figure out how to upload videos here. After a hour of frustation here is the link. You have to watch it - It's Brilliant!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tPuOIItb7o&feature=player_embedded#t=100

Inspirational message from a Friend

On days that seem unbearable, I remember a message a friend wrote me many years ago. I had no idea she had penned this poetic antiphon which I happened to find in my notebook years later. I read it because it moves me and it affirms that indeed there are special people that have been in my life. I thank God for their presence in my life, they have helped shape who I have become.

"When you wake up in the morning and the loneliness and emptiness surround you. The light in your heart that used to follow you is diminished and you live your life not to be alone or to have pain. Don't give up or give in cause there will always be another chance. God gave us everything we need. Everyday you see a smile and a great love that you think you will never feel, you are wrong. Try to remember all the strength that was given to you. Don't forget the pain you've been through to get here. You've learned a lesson and the good ones are always the hard ones. You'll learn again and you'll be heart broken more than once ."

Miss you much my Friend

Thy Word is a Lamp unto my feet and a Light unto my Path – Psalm 119:105

Last night I decided to go for a short walk but something pushed me to go a bit further than I had planned. As I kept going I passed a friend’s house (she plays the guitar in the church I cantor in). Again, I felt that gravitational pull so I turned and walked up her driveway. She was sat in her car crying for a friend that isn’t expected to make it through the weekend. I sat with her for a while and spent some time talking with her at her kitchen table. She said she had prayed for a friend to be with her, that she asked for an angel and I showed up. I’m far from an angel but I believe God led me to be with her in her time of grief. Yesterday I was feeling sad and I prayed to God for some reassurance and comfort, my friend told me she waited thirty five years to meet her husband and that good things come to those who wait. She also told me before she met her husband; an elderly neighbor came by and told her she had a message from God that she would meet her husband in six months – and it happened!! My experience last night was an example of serendipity, I was praying for reassurance from God and my friend’s story comforted me in the loneliness I felt yesterday and at the same time I was present to my friend in her sadness . It’s amazing what can happen when you let the current of God’s spirit bring you to new shores of hope…

The Simple Things…

Mornings are hectic for me…I get up at 5:00 am go for a half hour walk/jog and then it usually takes me at least an hour and a half to get ready for work, but somehow I still manage to get into work a few minutes late or I cut it very close most mornings. I leave the house with my mega huge purse, my lunch bag, a bag containing a change of clothes, a change of shoes and a coffee – needless to say my hands are full – I am sure my neighbors are laughing behind their curtain drawn windows. I take all these things with me because I have a 45 minute commute and plans somehow always have a way of changing so I like to be prepared for anything. This morning as I descended Taplin’s Hill in Holyrood, I noticed one of the women from an old age home walking to work with just a bottle of water in one hand and a radio swinging from the other. I suddenly felt inspired by her simplicity, and calmed by it. It made me think of a passage I wrote shortly after World Youth Day in Toronto…

On the day of the pilgrimage, I volunteered to help a friend who couldn’t walk to the vigil. Along the way, I noticed that many of the pilgrims were carrying a lot of baggage – sleeping bags, air mattresses, chairs and so on. On Sunday evening after it was all over, there was an abundance of these items left abandoned. As we were slowly making our way back, I was astounded to see pilgrims carrying very little or nothing at all. I’ve had some time to think about this and have made a conclusion. You see, the journey the pilgrims made is symbolic of the journey of life. We tend to carry a lot of baggage around with us. Some collapse with exhaustion from the weight of their burdens, some don’t make it, others give up. But for those who drop their bags, the road is much easier to travel. Think of how relieved the pilgrims felt without the weight of their baggage tying them down. Whether they knew it or not, the act of them leaving behind their belongings brought them closer along the path of life than they could have imagined. When Jesus called the disciples, they left everything to follow Him. So must we. We must leave behind our emotional burdens and reconcile with God. Only then will it be easier to proceed with our life’s journey.

I believe that woman was God inadvertently trying to remind me of that lesson and to help me let go of a few things…I found myself feeling a little sad this morning as I thought of a former friend. During a Dale Carnegie Program I had to pick two people to write a letter to and she was one of them. We have been friends for many years and had seen each other through a lot of troubling times whether it was financial, issues in relationships we each had with men. There was one incident in particular she helped me through and in the letter I had promised that if she were ever to need me like that I would be there for her. A few weeks after that, her father assaulted my sister and because of his error and due to no fault to her or I – we just cannot rebuild that close friendship. It’s like that letter was God’s opportunity for me to say goodbye to her though I didn’t know it was a goodbye letter at the time I wrote it.

I have been desperately trying to build lasting friendships for the last few years but it has been difficult for me to trust that others really “get” who I am – my former friend understood my quirks and never judged me for that – our friendship was unconditional – we were friends no matter what bad decision we made or foolish blunders, we just supported each other through embarrassing and sometimes frustrating situations. I really miss that kind of friendship. Not having that kind of friendship these past few years has been a heavy load to bear and the loneliness brought me to my knees in front of the Cross in a church where I hope to find new friends. But today I’ll just wipe my tears and hope in the Lord. To think this all came from seeing a woman walk to work! Oh God, you are mysterious…